In today’s edition of the Los Angeles Times, the popular syndicated columnist “Ask Amy” is asked the following question:

Dear Amy: My wife insists that we sleep in separate rooms. She says I snore — and maybe I do, a little — but sleeping alone makes me feel emotionally alone.

I’ve tried to compromise, asking her if we could stay together for a while first before splitting — but she will not yield, not even a little.

I was sad, but now I’m angry too.

After 20 years of marriage, I feel utterly rejected.

Help!

Sleeping Alone

Dear Alone: I read an article recently saying that “snoring rooms” are the latest thing in home design.  These little soundproof bedrooms give everybody a chance to get a decent night’s sleep if there is a snorer in the house. But the idea isn’t that the snoring room will become a separate bedroom– but more of an occasional refuge.

I agree with you that your wife’s actions are destructive, and your reaction is completely understandable. The charitable assumption is that your wife is so disabled by two decades of interrupted slumber that it has made her lash out.

But I don’t think this is really about the snoring.

Snoring is a relatively easy issue to grapple with, compared with what you two are facing — a lack of intimacy and exile to emotional Siberia.

Whenever a relationship changes so radically, it’s safe to assume there is something major going on.

You need to get to the bottom of this, and a marriage counselor could help.

The response that Amy gives “Sleeping Alone” assumes that the core problem is a lack of intimacy and that going to a marriage counselor would be the best solution. Though a lack of intimacy may have developed over the years of snoring, it is not intimacy that is the problem…

As a Doctor that treats snoring and sleep apnea disorders, to say that “Amy” missed the mark in an understatement.

I am sure that Amy is simply unaware, that there is a sleep disorder epidemic going on.

The general public that she serves in her column is, like Amy, simply unaware that snoring has been linked to a silent killer that has been creeping into peoples bedrooms and destroying marriages just like “Sleeping Alone.”  For over 18 million people that have this disorder, snoring can be the very sign that exposes this insidious disease and alerts someone to the possibility that they may have a very serious and life threatening disorder called “Obstructive Sleep Apnea.”

What Amy obviously doesn’t know is that her advice to see a marriage counselor won’t do much good if hubby dies in the meantime from a stroke or a heart attack, both of which have been associated with untreated obstructive sleep apnea, which main symptom is snoring.

What “Sleeping Alone” needs is a trip to a qualified doctor, not a counselor.

He needs to be evaluated,  prescribed a sleep study to determine if the snoring is caused by obstructive sleep apnea, and get it treated.  Building a “sleep room” in new houses is a feeble  attempt to deal with a problem that doesn’t need rejection, or to be ostracized and banished to emotional exile.

It’s obvious that this syndicated columnist cares about her readers.

The advice she gives is on the mark most of the time, however a person like “Sleeping Alone” who snores should be evaluated and treated. Amy, and her readers, should be made aware that those who are suffering from snoring and sleep apnea can, not only get treatment, but extend their quality of life and have the chance to develop the very intimacy that they deserve and should be between them.

Perhaps Amy would be willing to add to her answer that she gave Sleeping Alone… it could save his life…

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